Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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