his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
