pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
