barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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