i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
