How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
