just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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