theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want to be your penis for a week.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
