please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize