I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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