So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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