You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
