eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
