and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
