i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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