I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
