She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
