i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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