There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
