why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
