she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize