put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
