I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
