it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
