Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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