Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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