im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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