I hate your face
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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