YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
