Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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