It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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