its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
