well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize