Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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