Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
