explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
