How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
