my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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