Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
