the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
