I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
