dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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