got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
