My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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