Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
