Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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