no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
