Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
