Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
