One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
