Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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