Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
