When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
