Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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