We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
