Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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