Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I deserve to be covered in dicks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
