I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
