When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
