the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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