The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
