My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
