I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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