Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish my penis had an off switch
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
