My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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